I’ve noticed that it seems to be fine to make a lot of requests when you’re ordering food in the US. Sally (Meg Ryan) provides a demonstration of how to do it here (starts at 8 mins 17 seconds in – ends at 8 mins 51).
(Ah sorry folks! Since posting this, the video has disappeared from Youtube. It was that scene where Sally was being very precise and picky when she was ordering in a restaurant)
Ha! Well, being a picky customer is not totally OK here of course, but it does seem to be more acceptable than it might be in the UK.
Nevertheless, when I’m playing host, I’ll want to offer my guests say eggs for breakfast – so it’s ‘Boiled, scrambled, easy over, or sunny side up?’ And once those choices have been made, would they like soft or hard, dry or runny? Then we start on how they’d like their toast and bacon. There are a lot of decisions to be made, and the day hasn’t started yet.
Compare this with Japan where, as I understand it, it’s the host’s task to consider what’s most likely to please their particular guest, and place it before them. The guest will exercise ‘enryo’ (restraint, reserve) about expressing their individual preferences, which has some attractive benefits. With life’s small decisions lifted from their shoulders, their only responsibility is to settle back and enjoy.
Sheena Iyengar has done research into differing cultural attitudes to making choices. In this delightful TED talk she presents some interesting angles on the pros and cons of living life a la carte, along with some entertaining anecdotes.
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Karenne Sylvester, BELTfree. BELTfree said: #BELTfree #ELT #EFL ‘Choices, choices’ means ‘decisions, decisions’ […]
That’s true–on our honeymoon, we stayed in ryokan (traditional inns) known for their kaiseki ryori (multicourse seasonal traditional cuisine). We ate dinner and breakfast with no options whatsoever, and it was fascinating and delicious for the most part. When I go back, since I speak more Japanese now, I will let them know well in advance that I can’t eat crustaceans. I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing so at the time, because kaiseki is difficult to prepare, and you can’t make last-minute switches easily. My husband just got double servings of snow crab or whatever and I got extra trips to the bakery. 😉 However, that kind of thing is one reason why a few ryokan say they won’t accept non-Japanese guests, some of whom can’t understand not just to take off their shoes indoors or that there’s a curfew in this type of establishment despite the high nightly cost, but, more importantly, that they can’t make constant requests for accommodation (recently I read an article on luxury hotels in the US that suggested pushing the envelope on the grounds that you’d be surprised how far a hotel would go to keep your business!). I’m still uncomfortable with such rules, but I can also understand the ryokan’s perspective…
Oh great story! Thank you so much for sharing this, Clarissa. That article you mention advocating pushing US hotels sounds really interesting as well.
The trouble with “the customer is always right” is that sometimes they’re not. They only have partial information, after all. You reminded me of a wonderful Spanish restaurant I once went to. It had no written menus because what was served depended on what fresh produce had been bought at the market that day. The process of ordering was more about listening to what they thought we should be served. And sure, accommodations could be made for non-crustacean eaters (I have the same problem as you) but wow – was that meal good!
Vicky,
Good observations.
I just dropped in to share my fav. movie scene of all time. Dated but timeless….. Jack Nicholson making choices. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wtfNE4z6a8
I spent years in Corsica, France and loved going to the Auberge in the mountains. Always year after year, the same menu. Many courses all night, nothing to think about except the company of people!
David
Having just got back from a trip to the US to visit family, this rings so very true! I’d forgotten all the questions they ask you at restaurants in America. How do you want your meat cooked? Soup, salad or fries? Curly fries, regular fries or onion rings? Do you want your pie cold or warm? Ice cream or whipped cream?
By the time you get your order done, you’ve definitely worked up an appetite.
And a trip to Subway can be like sitting an examination!
Oddly, however, it’s my British husband, rather than me the American, who is more likely to make special requests at a restaurant. But I think we’re unusual in that regard (many others too, I suppose) 🙂